I was feeling a little “all-over-the-place” this morning, incapable of screening out any distractions, so I made the mistake of looking up ADD/ADHD to check out the signs. Then I wrote a long blog about it and decided it was too depressing to post. Argghhh! I don’t want to fall into any traps that stink of self-diagnosis, but... there were some scary corollaries!
I put my coat on and found the nearest hill to climb, dragging the dog up with me (actually, it was the other way around). Usually, vistas of Mt. Tam and other sights are free for the viewing, but today, it’s been pea soup and cold... for here. I don’t want to belittle the weather in this pocket of the world, but earlier this morning, it was chill-lee! After my march up the hill, however, the body warmed up. I have to back up a few years to remember that never, especially on a cold, early, foggy, Saturday (or any) morning, could someone have persuaded me to haul my butt up some hill (that I would have identified as a mountain), much less prompt my own self to do such a thing. So, I’m definitely longer on motivation these days.
What eventually triggers some folks to change their lifestyles? In the blogs I read and often, (not always!) in my own clients’ lives, bigger numbers of people are dramatically altering the way in which they “do” life. I’m not a psychologist, but I’m getting to know myself well enough to realize that part of what has been driving my ass all these years is fear. I discuss this idea a lot in the book. After a little over 11 years of maintenance, the panicky feeling I get when I think of gaining back all my weight scares the #^*! outta me. Even after 11 years. That is one big reason why I was moved to write about my experience: I am still absolutely terrified of putting all those pounds back on my body, even though I have so many deterrents in place. My friends, family -- even trainers who have known me for years all assure me that the new habits are “in place.” I beg to disagree with them, because frankly, none of them has ever had an eating problem severe enough to lead them down the path to morbid obesity. Even though a few of them remember what I looked like in 1996. Fear is still my good friend for the time being.